I'm spending tonight in the hospital. I was here a week before Christmas, and I've spent the months since trying to overcome the near-disastrous impact of a bad case of pneumonia.

I've been coughing up blood since February, and after a break of over two months, it started up again two weeks ago and I've deteriorated since. This morning I thought I would bleed to death. It looked like someone had been blown away by a shotgun in my sink. 

No one has been able to tell me why this is happening. During these months, I've continued teaching, doing the online school, making video lessons and DVDs, and working as hard as I can to get to the bottom of this condition. I've never really been sick in my life and in 2009, I haven't been able to get well.

In 2008, my heart decided to start beating funny and I wanted it fixed so I could get back to full kung-fu activity. I had three laser ablation procedures, where spots were burned in my heart, before they finally disconnected the rogue electrical circuits that were causing the problem. But in the last procedure, a week before Christmas, I aspirated into my lungs while on the table, setting up a vicious bout of pneumonia that caused me to cough so much, something tore in my lungs. By February, I was coughing up blood, sometimes daily, sometimes two, three, or four times a day. Each time this happens, my breathing and overall conditioning takes a nosedive. 

On Wednesday--two nights ago, I coughed up blood before practice and then at the end of practice. Yesterday there was more blood. This morning, I became alarmed it had grown so much worse. I called the pulmonologist's office and the nurse told me, "He doesn't have an appointment for you. You could come in and wait. I don't think he can do anything for you, but he could examine you and reassure you."

She didn't like it when I replied, "I've just coughed up a large amount of blood and I hear no urgency from you." When I told her I didn't see the point of coming in when he couldn't do anything for me, she said in a huff, "Fine, Ken."

Screw it. I went to the ER and that got their attention. Later, my pulmonologist, who is a good doctor, said he wondered why I hadn't come in to the office. The next time I see the nurse, I'm going to tell her to her face that she should be fired.

Tomorrow morning, he'll put a scope down my throat and--like he did in July--try to treat the meaty, raw, bleeding section of lung. After the broncoscopy in July, I began to improve. Two weeks ago it all went south. The photo above is from July, when I was trying to wake up after the scope was rammed down my throat. I wanted Nancy to take the picture to document this difficult journey I'm on. 

This won't fix it, but he says on Monday, he'll set up an appointment with the Cleveland Clinic and they'll go in and cauterize the torn area (they don't do that here in the Quad Cities). That should fix the problem and I can get back into full action. In the meantime, I also have an appointment in 10 days, when the cardiologist is going up the groin with a scope to see if the veins are narrowing between the lungs and the heart, causing the shortness of breath. I hear that this is just a test to make sure the Cleveland Clinic has all the info they need. I don't know that I have narrowing of the pulmonary veins.

Tomorrow, I'm missing a great tournament in Dubuque. I had wanted it to be my comeback in 2009. In two weeks, I'll miss my friend John Morrow's tournament. But if things work out, I'll be able to really turn things on by the first of the year and take it to a new level in 2010.

I've kept this on the down low a little bit the past few months, but I've wanted to write about it because I want to show that you can struggle with difficult things and return to action. Sometimes you just have to take it as it comes, remain determined, and stay centered. I have WAY too much to learn and achieve in the internal arts to let this stop me. A little help and empathy from the medical profession would be appreciated. Enough is enough.